Page 2 of 2
January 7th, 1996
The day begins just like the last few.... Megan is gone.... Echo is busy with her babies... until about 4Pm.. then .. I being to notice.. that Echo's breathing seems to be a bit more labored than I would expect at this stage of her nursing. A call to the vet again.. Emergency trip to the Clinic follows... The veterinarian seems to feel that Echo has pneumonia.. she is given antibiotics, and we go home.... I call a friend, and express anxiety, that Echo is in trouble. By 10PM...she is no longer able to nurse,she is anxious, she seems no better.. if anything, she is breathing harder.... another call to the vet, and another emergency trip. This time, she is given an injection to relieve the fluid on her lungs, and we come home.. with steroid injections that I am to give to Echo on a specific schedule..... and instructions that I dropper or tube feed the babies since Echo will be getting the steroids..we arrive home...
My friend whom I have called.. tells me to feel free to call her at anytime throughout the night if the need should arise..I now believe that Megan has 'sent' a message to my friend to let her know. .that I will need her that night.
January 8th, 1996
Midnight
Around midnight, Echo 'wants' to try to nurse... I let her try.. knowing that she will not have much milk, and that she really shouldn't nurse anyway, however, if it helps her 'feel' better about things.... I let her try... soon her breathing gets too labored. and she asks to go out to the living room....where it is cooler ,and she can breath easier....I give her the prescribed dose of her steriod...and I then go in to dropper feed the babies...
1:30AM
I have just finished the dropper feedings.. and go to check on Echo .. .she seems to be resting, tho her respirations are very labored....She wants to go outside... it is cold.... well below zero....I have a blanket, given to Echo by our dear friend Marcy, that I wrap her in to go out... she stands in the yard.. as if finding her breathing less difficult in the cold air....at 2 AM she is due for her second steroid injection, which I give her, and then.. she seems to want to check on her babies again. I take her back in the puppy room, she licks them, cleans them,loves them,.. {looking back... I think she knew....}, I reassure her.. that it's ok... I will help her feed them.. til she is well again...
3:AM
I remain very anxious regarding Echo's continued difficulty breathing, however, try to remember that it takes time for medicines to begin to do their jobs. I go to check on the babies again, and can see that they are needing nursing soon. I stay with Echo in the living room until 3:27AM. I then go to prepare... formula for the babies...and know that in a half hour or a little more.. I will have to begin feedings again. I think about trying to lie down.. until 4AM... I lie down at about 3:30AM with the babies.. leaving Echo in the living room where she seems in less distressed..slip off to sleep for about 8 minutes... waken with a start.....go out to the living room to check on Echo to find her warm, but 'still' form beneath and in front of the Christmas tree. All alone....She has breathed her last.. is gone from me .. .with no chance for 'goodbyes'.... I do beleive that her spirit is still in the room , and that it is been but a matter of seconds, since her body is still very warm...
3:47AM
Upon seeing Echo... I begin to scream...not a normal cry.. but the cry of a wounded animal... My heartdog.. has left me... I am totally bereft and inconsolable...I call the friend who lives nearest to me..and she says she will be right over.... I continue to hold my beloved baby screaming....I then call another friend whom I know would be up already getting ready for work, and am reminded the puppies need to be fed... it doesn't even sink thru.... Echo is gone.. nothing else matters....I make one last phone call... to a friend {the one who has told me earlier.. to call if I need her}who I know.. can make arrangements for someone to come and get the babies... as I am totally incapable of making any decisions, or caring for them.
I tell my friend, that I want all of my dogs and their things removed from my home. I tell her.. I will never have another dog.... I don't want to be 'hurt' again this way. She suggests that it is my heart talking.. not my brain, and I might be very sorry for making that decision under present circumstances. she offers to take the dogs and their things, and store them.. if that is what I really need to do.
4:30AM
My friend arrives.. I am still holding Echo.. rocking her.. and crying.. 'I don't understand how could this happen??? 'Did I not love you enough... My Echo, My Echo.. why, oh why'. My Friend has taken over the care of the puppies and is making phone calls attempting to arrange for them, as well as for Tiara, Echo's daughter from a previous breeding. I am totally now in a state of shock....I barely remember the next few hours.
7:AM
I call the vet clinic and tell them Echo is gone... I am angry.. and need to know why and how... they tell me to bring her in for a necropsy...my friend who brought the puppies home from the vet after Echo's c-section with me arrives.. and I gently carry Echo to her car... and hold her on the way to the vet..at the clinic{by now..it is 8:AM} the necropsy begins.. The first thing they check.. is her uterus.. since that was where she had the surgery......it is intact.. no tears, everything looks normal....next.. they open her heart..... and to our dismay...there is a huge.. 2 inch blood clot in her heart... THIS is what sent her from this world. ....blood clots are a common complication from surgery, and my beloved Echo happened to be the sad victim of just that.
9AM
I leave the clinic without my beloved Echo.... and an empty hole in my heart.. the size of which I cannot even begin to describe.....they tell me they are storing her remains in their freezer until I can make arrangements, and offer that I may bring Megan there too.. since she still remains in the garage. Arrangements are made to do this.
My Friend brings me home, and I find that arrangements have been made.. for the puppies, Tiara, and I...to go to the stud owner's who has a nursing mom to provide for the babies. I remain in shock, and remember little of the days that follow.
Noon
I am finally convinced, bymy friends, that I need to go with the puppies and Tiara to the Stud owners.. rather than staying home alone. A friend is coming to pick us all up and take us there....
My Friend who will take me to the stud owner arrives... after a two hour journey to reach me. She, her daughter and a friend, prepare the puppies for the trip... I throw a few things in a suitcase.... blindly.. neither knowing or caring...Tiara is at a total loss.. I push her away from me.. feeling totally unable to cope...
2PM
Around 2PM we leave... I remember little of the trip, sedated and know that the puppies are being cared for...the tiny little dark one, Andy..hangs to life tenuously.My friend's daughter tends to the babies on the way up to the stud owners. Tiara seems to be making the journey ok.
5PM
We arrive at the Stud owners.The stud owner helps my friends who have brought us to get the puppies in and get them settle with their surrogate mom, and Tiara is brought into the house. I barely remember arriving. Soon, I am helped to a darkened bedroom where I fall asleep...And so ends the very most traumatic day of my adult life.
And God Said......
I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, "I know."
I said, "God, I cry alot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."
I said, "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."
I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."
I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."
I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."
I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."
I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on My right,
and yours is in the Light."
I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, "I know."
Author Unknown
The next page will be an epilogue to the weeks and months that followed.
These two pages are a bare beginning and have much work yet.. so if somehow.. you have managed to stumble in here... please be aware that the graphics are not prepared.. and the pages are far from completion.
Created August 24th, 1998. All rights reserved by Candlochen, © copyright 1999,2000, 2001
Updated August 5, 2007
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